The Hula Chronicle

After reading a Kumu poem the Turtle said:

Although this is what the Turtle wanted to say “I’ d prefer cell number 3, a chinese takeaway and a couple of beers?” she decided to avoid saying such a thing to Kumu, maybe another time..
>>> TURTLE love it! excellent one, your voice.

>> KUMU REALLY? yeah i used to love my voice. pffffffft now i am normal again and i don’t love anything that has to do with mois.

>> TURTLE well really!
>>
>> Major PFFFFFFFFFFF to you then…
>>
>> *stomps off in a huff*
>>
>> *mumbles something inaudible*
>>
>> *farts*

ARREST THIS TURTLE AND THROW HER IN THE VOLCANO!

pffffffft

> KUMU yes, when you talk in london accent IT IS INAUDIBLE! PFFFFFFFFFT

> TURTLE yea r ri no -itz zabout been at ‘ome innit!
>
> KUMU AND don’t you flatter kumu in front of the sealions!!!!!!! pffffffft or haven’t you seen them playing poker ??

>>TURTLE i see again, you dont need to smoke anything at all…

> KUMU

WELL THEY ARE HERE TO PAY THEIR TAXES OF COURSE AND THE GUARDS JUST COULDN’T SAY NO, THEY INTEND TO PAY THEIR TAXES BY WINNING THE GUARDS WHICH IS NOT DIFFICULT, GUARDS ARE TAX FREE CITIZENS AND I SELECT THEM ACCORDING TO THEIR ABILITY TO PLAY POKER, IF I CAN WIN THEM ANYBODY CAN WIN THEM. PFFFFFFFFT

> TURTLE i am a five card trick
>
> wrote a poem once…
>
> hehehee
>
> *spits at the sealions*

THEN THE LETTER ARRIVED

Dear Kumu

Last night in my gracious bedchamber I was awoken by the music of angels and a great sparkling luiminescent figure appeared at the foot of my bed, his sequinned coat and permatanned complexion made me realise he was in fact the ghost of Liberace come to impart some holy message from beyond the veil- I sat up in bed and scrabbled around on my nightable for my glasses- when I had located these I asked Lib if he would just take a seat on the end of my bed while I went downstairs to find a pen and some paper- he was a bit grumpy about it because he was on those amazing theatrical wires that present the illusion of flight- and he had to get his hot pink mobile out and tell his ‘assistant’ Scotty to ‘lower me gently onto the baby pink satin counterpane already’ I told him he could have a nose through my books if he wanted, but warned him not to go near the bottom drawer (where I keep my bottoms) but to be on the safe side I took it with me- you can’t be too careful these days- anyway yada yada yada I came back with the pen- stopping on the way to dust carefully a few knick knacks on my hall table that had gotten neglected during my housework that day because I was thrown in the volcano four (4) times :rolls eyes: anyway when I got back he had fallen asleep, he looked really cute in his feather boa and white slip on shoes and his wig had slipped a bit giving him a kind of deranged ventriloquists dummy appearance- so I got out my mobile phone/ video camera etc. and filmed him for a while with lots of funny objects (don’t ask) then I got bored and went to sleep- when I woke up this morning nothing remained but a big shiny ring and a note which read in fancy curlicue handwriting ‘Don’t call the new theme park KUMUWOOD- that sucks and isn’t even a pun- IT IS WRITTEN THAT THE NEW ISLAND THEME PARK MUST BE CALLED ‘HULAWOOD!’

aaaaaaaagh!

bhs.